By Greg Dardis / Guest Column
My work as a dad and as the president of Dardis Communications may differ vastly, but there is a common objective: with both my kids and my clients, I try to boost their confidence.
I’ve seen the impact of confidence again and again, whether I’m coaching public speaking, flag football or potty training. It is the engine that empowers you to go for it. And whether your big moment takes place in a ballroom or on a ball field, you can meet it confidently by preparing well. That’s the kind of confidence that sets you up for success.
In the workplace, the best leaders operate from a place of confidence, which enables them to think clearly and learn daily. A confident leader isn’t afraid to network, to apologize, to take risks, to try another way, to ask questions, to acknowledge shortcomings, to make an unpopular call, to change their mind, to accept criticism or to seek help. In short, confidence allows you to be your best self – and present that self to the public.
Insecurity is crippling. Arrogance is blinding. And confidence – that sweet spot in between the two – is freeing. It allows you to laugh at and learn from your mistakes, and take your work seriously without taking yourself too seriously. It lends a sense of adventure to every undertaking, a spirit of, “This should be interesting!” That translates to fun: A confident public speaker will enjoy himself, and the audience will enjoy listening to him.
It gives me enormous gratification when clients credit our executive training with heightened confidence. In their reviews, that word pops up more than any other.
When confidence and curiosity sync up, it makes for a lifelong learner. Those were the twin DNA strands in Steve Jobs, unlocking legendary innovation.
Albert Bandura, a Stanford psychologist who earned his doctorate at the University of Iowa, identifies four life experiences that have a direct impact on someone’s level of confidence: actual life experiences, vicarious life experiences, encouraging life experiences and emotional life experiences.
Actual life experiences are the times you muster up your courage and choose to act, even if you’re unfamiliar, unskilled or unsure. These firsthand experiences are irreplaceable in the development of confidence.
A useful supplement to those first-hand lessons are vicarious life experiences, when you build confidence by watching someone else try, absorbing their trials and errors. The more you identify with the person doing what you hope to do, the greater the boost to your self-confidence.
Our public seminars build heavily upon these two types of experience, turning students into an audience for each other and offering valuable feedback.
Third, Dr. Bandura points to encouraging life experiences, or words of affirmation from people we trust and respect. It may seem self-serving, but if you’re gearing up for a big event and looking for a shot of confidence, consider seeking an encouraging life experience by asking a friend for input. Chances are their words will stick with you.
Lastly, emotional life experiences boost your confidence by connecting the head to the heart. Reflecting on past achievements can provide the surge that carries you to the next one. As one of our instructors says, too often we focus on our to-do list rather than our look-what-I-did list. Make a point to practice gratitude as we begin this month of giving thanks. In a study of how successful people spend the first hour of each day, the No. 1 response was reflecting on the things they are most grateful for.
Many of the confidence-boosting tricks I pass along involve actual life experiences. I encourage Dardis Academy students to cultivate mentors, mind their body language, dress the part and do their homework. An hour of prep can go a long way; so can a 10-minute refresher.
Putting the focus on others also helps. “Choose to be conscious of others instead of self-conscious,” author Becky Blalock wrote in a Wall Street Journal article on executive-level confidence. “Ask people questions… Give compliments generously and volunteer to help others when you can. Looking for the best in others will help you see it in yourself.”
Greg Dardis is the CEO of Dardis Inc., located at 2403 Muddy Creek Lane in Coralville. For more information, visit www.dardisinc.com.
