Northwestern Mutual executive shares thoughts on mental health, time management

Jessica Boyle-Roberts says focusing on work-life balance, along with meticulous organization and a robust support system, has helped her deal with the simultaneous stresses of being a mother and full-time business executive.

“Early on, my brother told me ‘you can’t have it all, you can’t do it all,’” said Ms. Boyle-Roberts, who’s worked for Northwestern Mutual in Coralville for 15 years and became the local office’s managing director in July 2023. “I love my brother dearly, but I just wanted to prove that wrong. For me, I wanted to be able to be a mom first, but have that not jeopardize my career trajectory.”

Ms. Boyle-Roberts credits several factors that have contributed to her ability to keep her work and home realms in perspective. Among them, she says, are a supportive and flexible environment fostered by her employer.

“I’m very fortunate,” she said. “We have a phenomenal leadership team. It’s a very safe space. You can say how you feel. You can be vulnerable. I came back from maternity (leave) in October, and I had severe anxiety just plugging back into the office.”

In particular, she credits Kalvin Grabau Keele, the managing partner for Northwestern Mutual’s Eastern Iowa offices, for fostering an environment in which individual workers’ circumstances are considered and accommodated.

“One of Kalvin’s superpowers is being non-judgmental, really trying to understand,” Ms. Boyle-Roberts said. “Where are you coming from, what are all the mental things you’re carrying —like you’re a real human being. I think older regimes’ outdated leadership styles would say, you come to work and you get it done regardless. Now we’re talking more about mental health and just all things life, what goes on in our world. Whether you’re a parent or not, people have other things they’re dealing with … It’s OK to share the real human, and I’m aware that doesn’t happen everywhere. You don’t have that support everywhere … the main thing is that there’s a space to be real. It’s OK to say how you feel. It’s OK to say if you’re struggling with things. You don’t have to feel like you have to hide those (problems).”

Ms. Boyle-Roberts also says she maintains a single Outlook calendar for both her personal and professional appointments, maximizing her time efficiency in a structured way.

“It has all the kids’ stuff on it,” she says. “My team members at the office know. For example, this morning I took my son to his nine-month checkup. It’s on my calendar, and I block out my drive time. They know they can schedule me after such and such time. The top of my calendar (recently) had a reminder that [my son] had to take Easter eggs and wear pajamas to school. That organizational piece all has to be in one place for me.”

At times, she says, being a mother of three young children requires some creative arrangements.

“I had a company conference last week, and I took all three kids with me,” she said. “My mom went to help, but this one was very family-friendly. We were done by noon every day. Then I took our youngest son, who was seven months at the time, to our regional meeting, and that was a long three-day conference. But this is the only age I could do that. He’s still stuck in a car seat. He’s not very mobile. He sleeps a lot.

“I didn’t ask permission, I just did it,” she added. “I was like, ‘we’ll figure it out.’ It’s either going to be my best or worst decision. And it went great. It was so fun to have him. Everybody was super receptive.”

Still, it’s important for women, in particular, to create boundaries in their lives, particularly if they plan to be fully committed to both career and parental obligations.

“It really is a team effort,” Ms. Boyle-Roberts said. “I think naturally, women don’t ask enough for help, and it’s about having those boundaries if you choose to do both. I think people that stay at home can do it all, and that’s fine, but if you choose to be a working parent, in general, don’t be afraid to solicit help.”

Priorities can often shift between personal and professional obligations, Ms. Boyle-Roberts said, and it’s important to be able to juggle those priorities as circumstances warrant.

“I think people burn out trying to do it alone or don’t enlist help,” she said. “I look at the calendar a week ahead to see where I need support. We also have to say no to things unapologetically, to have boundaries. I just accepted a development program which includes some travel days, and I got agreement from my family to help with the kids on those days before accepting.

“I also don’t believe in balance,” she added. “It’s never a perfect balance. It’s a work-life blend. Some days work is heavy weighted, some days home is heavy weighted, but it all works together for my best life in the end … We’re one human that shows up in all these different areas of our life.”

Ms. Boyle-Roberts also points out that working mothers generally deal with different circumstances than their male counterparts.

“I’m in a male-dominated career, and they want more women,” she said. “So all leaders, men and women alike, have to be educated. I just said to my managing partner when I came back from a conference, this is still a male-dominated career, and you’ll have to remember, I don’t have a wife. I’m booking the doctor’s appointments, I’m doing the checkups, I’m doing school drop-off. And it’s not that I want anything different. I don’t want different treatment. But I said, ‘you just have to be aware I do carry a different mental load. All of your wives are doing the things that I’m also doing while working.’ I wouldn’t change a thing. I want to do those things. But it is different.”

The accommodation of different life circumstances has extended to the notion of bringing employees back to the office. Ms. Boyle-Roberts says she generally works on-site, but it’s key to recognize that arrangement might not work for everyone.

“There have been people that started working from home that we can’t get to come back,” she said. “We would like to have the energy and the people in the office. But I’ve come to the realization that I’m not going to change people that are set in their ways. As we bring in new people, we tell them we want them in the office as much as they can. But they’re not here all the time. They’re all independent contractors. That cultural piece has definitely changed. Some people got cozy working at home, and they’re just not here as much.”

Ms. Boyle-Roberts has shared her experiences with work-life balance and mental health via “Office Etiquette in the Workplace,” a class she’s taught several times at the University of Iowa. The class covers topics such as culture fit, professionalism, time management, difficult conversations, leadership and mission, and vision and values.

She’s also spoken frequently in the Iowa City area on lessons she’s learned: networking, women in leadership, personal finance and more.

And in personal terms, Ms. Boyle-Roberts says she embraces any tool that can make her life easier. She speaks glowingly of online grocery ordering and pickup, and says she’s been considering a variety of meal preparation services.

“It’s important to me to eat well, but I’m often fried at the end of the night, or we don’t have time to get kids picked up,” she said. “I haven’t done it yet, but if I don’t enjoy or have time to cook, then I may do the pre-made services. We don’t have to be all things in all areas. Do the things you do well.”

The goal of all these efforts is to minimize potential stress points.

Still, Ms. Boyle-Roberts admits there have been times when circumstances can become a bit overwhelming.

“I’m a huge advocate of therapy,” she said. “I think we have to talk it out. People should have a therapist they love. People think that therapy is only for when life is bad. I think it can take life from good to great, to learn some of these tools.

“They say you go through this valley after you have kids,” she added. “My therapist always talks about, the most separated you’ll ever be is when you have young kids. You’re tired, you’re running at both ends of the torch, and just learning, hey, that’s a factual thing … it’s about being willing to seek a professional opinion, whether that’s your doctor or a therapist, or whatever it may be. I’m the kind of person that has very high expectations of myself, and I had to learn tools. One of the things my doctor reminded me was that I have options, and that’s OK when we have really high-stress moments.”

One of the most important ideas Ms. Boyle-Roberts has embraced is the notion that parenting doesn’t have to be a pursuit of perfection.

“I would say it’s about being patient and having grace with yourself,” she said. “My cousin, who stays at home with her kids, sent me pictures of her kids’ Easter baskets, and they were pristine and perfect and already put together. I was like ‘I’ll figure it out this weekend.’ My kids were going to have an Easter basket, but are they going to remember what their Easter basket was at four years old? If somebody stays at home with their kids, they’re spending their time differently, and that’s OK.”

One of the best concepts Ms. Boyle-Roberts says she’s learned, when being present for her husband and children, is the idea of “rubber balls, glass balls.”

“When I think about rubber balls, those are things they’re going to bounce back from,” she said. “I don’t need to be the one that picks them up from school every day. Sometimes there’s this guilt, because we drop our kids off at 7:30 and pick them up at 5. Sometimes I’ll compare myself to (people) who drop their kids off at school and pick them up (right afterwards). I can make myself feel guilty, but my kids love their day care. They love their before- and after-school program. They’re learning, and they’re happy. But the glass ball moments are the stuff that’s going to wreck them if I miss them. I’m not going to miss sporting events, competitions, the things where they’re expecting you to be there. I just think we have to decipher, what are the non-negotiable moments for your family that come first? Those will always take precedence on my calendar.”