By Gale Mote / Guest Column
Last week, while I was fueling my car, I was reminded of a very important principle of real happiness.
Sitting in the driver’s seat, ready to leave the station, I realized I had forgotten to clean my windshield, which was in desperate need of attention. As I got out my car, I said to the gentleman performing a similar task on the vehicle next to me, “Seeing you just reminded me that I forgot to clean my windshield.”
“Would you like to use this?” he asked as he offered me his cleaning brush.
“Thank you. It looks like you are putting that one to good use. I’ll just grab this one near my pump,” I said as I walked around the car.
When I walked back to my car, he had already started to clean the driver’s side of my windshield. The act put a large smile on my face. I thanked him and started cleaning the passenger side. Working together, we talked about the weather, the Hawkeyes and our plans for the weekend. As we finished, I said, “Thanks so much for your help. You really made my day!”
It was a stranger and a simple act, but a positive contribution that made me feel incredibly happy. I felt joyful as I pulled away from the station and had an incredible yearning to pass the feeling on.
Happiness is the experience of positive emotions – pleasure, purpose, optimism. There is no one definition that applies to everyone. However, there are simple acts and behaviors that increase the possibility of experiencing real happiness – those include making a positive contribution.
Dewitt Jones, a professional photographer, shares in his training film, “For the Love of It,” that everyone needs to consider the importance of making a contribution. That act may or may not make a significant difference – but the result is not important. What matters is that you give the best of what you have and do the right things for the right reasons.
Making a contribution is about showing up, being present and taking the initiative to make a situation a little better, or someone’s load a little lighter. These acts generate positive emotions in others and build your own self-regard. Remember, it is impossible to light another’s path without lighting your own.
When Lou Holtz was the coach at Notre Dame, he had a simple core philosophy for raising the self-image and confidence of his staff and team: Do what’s right, do your best and treat other people the right way. When you act contrary to any of these, it is impossible to feel good about who you are and how you are contributing to the world around you.
In 2004, Tom Rath and Donald Clifton wrote the book, “How Full is Your Bucket?” Your bucket is your mental and emotional self. When your bucket is full, you are happy, confident and secure. An empty bucket person is negative, stressed and not much fun to be around. In their research, they recommended a minimum ratio of 3:1 – we need to be communicating and collaborating in a way that we fill people’s buckets more than we drain them. Our contributions need to be life-giving, not soul-draining.
One of the benefits of focusing on contributions is that it takes the pressure off having to be perfect or the best. Ben Zander, conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, was asked daily by his father to evaluate his own success, which he perceived to be a win-lose game. The feeling of not measuring up and not doing enough is common to all of us. Zander challenges us with a different perspective – I am a contribution. This is a win-win game that inspires us to be the best we can be. We have a renewed sense of energy to see the bigger picture, connect with others and be engaged.
Quoting Dewitt Jones, “While it is not always realistic for people to do what they love, it is possible for people to love what they do. When you come to work excited about something, anything, it makes the day so much more fulfilling. Consider the contribution you are making to your organization and your colleagues – the relationships you are building.”
I felt happy when a stranger made the simple contribution of helping me wash my dirty car windshield. Think of the possibilities when you act on your values, take the focus off yourself and concentrate on giving back to the people around you. Bring the best of yourself – your energy, your passion, your strengths. Make a contribution.
Gale Mote is a trainer, organizational development catalyst and coach in Cedar Rapids. Contact her at galemote@galemoteassociates.com.
